I realized the other day that it’s been quite a while since my last post. Everything is busy and the semester has gotten into the full swing of things (and by “full swing of things,” I mean a complete 360 revolution around the top of the swingset). This past week, anyways. I had my first exam of the semester this morning (Linear Algebra) and my next one (Calc) is in a week.
Sanjee is sitting next to me right now telling me what to write to you guys about. I think she was only half-serious when she said I should talk about how you have friends who are always there for you in tough times or when you get stressed and frustrated and busy. But that’s actually some pretty solid stuff. You know that I’ve felt pretty close to the people I live with since the fall. But now I think we are reaching the point where some of those relationships go deeper. I trust my Lemon Lounge family to support me but there are a few people here who have become my go-to people when I need someone to talk to about absolutely anything. It is a huge relief to feel close enough to someone to be able to tell them everything you’re afraid of and worried and sad about after trying to consistently show your best face to everyone, even your hallmates, for a while. And it feels good to have someone open up to you that you know trusts you in the same way.
At the beginning of the semester, Brendan (my Resident Advisor) and I were talking and he mentioned that you become a different person in your first semester to first year of college. The changing relationships I’m watching happen are making me reflect on this. I think it’s hard to look at myself and ask if I’m different than I was 5 or 6 months ago. I mean, I was me then, and I’m still me now. I’d try to look at my floormates and tell you if they are different but I don’t know much about their “pre-college” selves enough to make comparisons there. I just asked this question of the general population of the lounge I’m in at the moment (sparking a lovely discussion) and I’ve gotten anything from “I haven’t changed, I refuse to change” to people saying they’re more independent or sassier (which I read as more confident). They feel more comfortable in their own skin and have a better idea of where they’re going in life. They don’t feel like they have to try to impress anyone as much as they used to and are more comfortable with taking a break from work, for example, when they need to. I attribute this willingness to take time for relaxing and fun to the fact that we’re spending much less time in the classroom… if you worked during all of your non-class time, you’d be spending a lot more time working than you do in high school because you simply have that much more free time, and you’d probably work yourself straight into the ground, which would be very unpleasant. When you guys get to college, don’t be afraid to take breaks.
I think that even though I am still myself, I have changed a little bit in these ways. Being so very independent is a new experience, a new environment. I’d say that I’m more confident and independent and self-sufficient, because of all the days I got myself out of bed when I didn’t want to and pushed myself to study all the nights I didn’t want to. I’m more comfortable in my own skin because I’m surrounded by people who are far more talented than me in many different areas, but also by people who see me in that way, and also by people who acknowledge that I’m mediocre at a lot of things but care anyways. I’m still learning about where I’m going in life through all of my new experiences that cultivate certain interests and passions while others, which may not play as big of a role in my future, fade (and that’s okay).
I feel like each of these things can turn into a blog post of their own but I’m going to wrap up for the night before I start to ramble too much (and I’m sorry it’s been 9 days since the last post, I’m working on that), but there will be more coming soon.
As always, lots of love,